None But Eagles

I was sitting at a table at the mall downtown looking through my library books while waiting to meet up with Scott before heading out for dinner. A woman tried to give me a ‘loot bag’ in exchange for enough personal information to steal my identity. The only memorable thing about this encounter was her opening line: “I see you’re reading a book, you must like reading, I like reading too, wow I see you have a whole stack there, isn’t reading wonderful?” With commas between her independent clauses and everything. She stared at me very intensely and very emptily while she delivered her pitch through to its unsuccessful end, but she accepted my refusal with grace at last. I’m still trying to figure out which Saturday Night Live character she most resembled.

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